Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

And the sadness?

It’s here now, writing to you.

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

Pariatur et vero magni aperiam nulla.

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

Scientists Just Solved a 14,000-Year-Old Puppy Mystery - Gizmodo

You are like me, then.

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

The sadness was still there.

Emotional David Andrews says he didn’t want to play for any team other than the Patriots - NBC Sports

I was tired of trying and failing.

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

Be who you already are.

Here are all the former F1 drivers on the 2025 Le Mans 24 Hours Hypercar grid - Motorsport.com

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

Has Anybody been gang banged? If yes, how many guys? Was it as much fun as looks on porn? Were you double penetrated? Answer all three questions - Elaborate.

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

It’s still here.

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

iPhone 18 Pro With Under-Screen Face ID Now Rumored to Feature Smaller Dynamic Island - MacRumors

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

Scientists Spot Mysterious Object in Our Galaxy Pulsing Every 44 Minutes - futurism.com

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

Anker just issued a recall on these six power banks – how to see if yours is affected - 9to5Google

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

I was tired of fighting.

I had run out of hope.

Are fanservice-y characters (i.e. Lara Croft, Tifa Lockhart) immediately bad?

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.